We are all broken.

Ok this is a tough blog for me to post. Whether we admit it or not, we are all broken. I need to share the past few years in a very brief way. I am not at liberty to share the whole story because some of you know me better and some of you know Jen better. If you want to judge either of us then that is up to you. We are both guilty and we have both been wronged by each other in the past 3.5 years. We both have made choices and mistakes that have drastically changed our lives and marriage. There is stuff that we could not control and stuff we could involved in our decision making. The main point is that we have separated now for the fourth time a few months ago. It all started with a rough pregnancy but the choices we made in the past few years are on us. I have been getting some messages based on my posts lately so I wanted to clear the air. We are legally separated and this marriage is unfortunately over. I say that with finality because that is what it is. We have joint custody of our 4 year old daughter and we both are great parents to her. Even from this you don't have the whole story, but I just ask you to pray for Lydia and for each of us. We need to be focused on her right now. We tried to reconcile 3 previous times and have been through christian counseling. It just hasn't worked so instead of advice I ask for prayer. Neither of us planned on being on this road but I wanted everyone out there to at least have an idea of our situation. We are all human and no one is perfect so please don't read into this or judge us. I am extremely sorry to people in my life (past and present) that I have let down. That being said, I have only shared the whole story with a couple people. That involves personal stuff about both of us and will be shared on a case by case basis only. On the plus side, she is an awesome mother to my child and her family is amazing as well. I am still me and She is still her. Like I said, we are all broken. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Update.....

Well, Lydia is now 9 months old. She is small for her age only wearing 3-6 month clothes. She is not crawling yet but trying to. She is working on pulling herself up too. She is beyond beautiful! She likes to stand at her learning table and play with things we don't pay for. She also loves stuffed animals and the shovel from her sand bucket. Finally she also had a great time at the beach a couple of weeks ago and loved the sand but was a little weary of the waves. That is the short update on where we are
with our precious Lydia. Jen and I are both working on our careers right now and I am taking my next to last semester of seminary. I am looking for the right ministry job as well to break back into the field I was in for so long. With new perspective of course. We have had a rough two years but we have a lot of positive to focus on so that is what we are doing. Our prayer is that God would use us daily. I will update again soon. We had a lot of stuff going on the last two years in addition to Lydia being born so blogging was honestly the last thing on my mind. God is amazing and life is impossible without Him. Later and God bless!

Going insane!!

I can't believe it! I AM A FATHER! I am already blown away by the love I have for this beautiful baby girl. It's true you change when you have children. i don't know the specifics but I know I'll never be the same again. Lydia was born December 2, 2009 at Greenville Memorial Hospital in Greenville, SC. She was born by c-section at 2pm. The NICU doctors checked her out first and decided to take her to the NICU for further observation because her crying was irregular. This of course scared me and I was trying to be there for Lydia and Jennifer (my wife). They ended up only keeping her there an hour and decided she was doing well enough to go to the newborn nursery. What a relief! Lydia was born at 36.6 weeks which is one day shy of term. Jen had an incredibly rough pregnancy (preaclampsia, migraines, and just.. diabetes) to give you an idea. Needless to say the doctors wanted to watch both Jen and Lydia closely. Lydia has done amazing and they think she may be able to go home soon. Jen had a rough first day after the section but is doing much better today. We are praying her migraines go away after this pregnancy. She has had them since she was 7 though. Back to Lydia, she looks just like Jen and is such a beautiful baby girl. I love my family so much and all want to do is brag about them. Jen and Lydia are both amazing and God has blessed me beyond what I ever dreamed. We were told we may not have a child of our own but God disagreed. I can't tell you how excited we are. Jen has been in the hospital for 9 weeks and I have been here most of that time with her as well. We are so looking forward to going home. Now I'm going to try to get a little rest because I know the days of good rest are gone now. But I could not be happier about it. Thank God for the blessing of an awesome wife and daughter!

Seriously!? A new update..

Seriously again!?

The doctor just told Jen that they needed to wait an extra week from what she had told us. It seems like they are constantly changing their minds and we really wanted to meet Lydia on Thanksgiving eve. Oh well, we know they have the baby's best interest in mind. The doctor said it would be a lot better to wait till December 1st and she said the OR was booked solid next week. That is where we stand now and they say this should not change. We will see. This is very frustrating but we do want what is best for Lydia. I'll keep you updated if any other changes occur.

Getting closer....

Hey I like updating on here because you can all read it and I want to keep everyone updated. We really appreciate your prayers during this trying pregnancy (which we know is a blessing). They are looking to tap Jen next Tuesday. This means they draw fluid from around the baby to see if the lungs are developed enough. If that is ok, and they think it should be, they will be getting the baby out next wednesday. This is Thanksgiving eve and my nephew Evan's birthday who was born last year. Crazy! We will see what happens. This is a scary and exciting time for us as you can imagine. I may be holding Lydia in my arms this time next week and I have no clue what that will be like. I just know it will be amazing. Hopefully Jen will do awesome and be able to enjoy her right away too. Lydia may need a week in the NICU, it just depends. Thanks again for all your prayers. We are so thankful for the friends and family we have and this past year has truly shown us how blessed we are in that department. I'll update again soon.

Update on Jen and Lydia...

Well there really is not much to update right now. We are frustrated and thankful right now. There have been a lot of bumps in the road but God seems to be there to work it out every time. This pregnancy and the last 5 weeks in the hospital have truly been a roller coaster for us, especially Jen. Right now though, her protein, blood sugar, and blood pressure are under control so they are going to wait as long as they can to take the baby. They even think she may not need a c-section. We will see. Best of all we may (prayerfully) be able to avoid Lydia being in the NICCU at all if this holds out another 2 or 3 weeks. Jen is 34 weeks today and it is a miracle she has made it this long with all the complications. Of course the hospital stay is driving us both crazy but it is the best place for Jen to be and we know it. We have lost one whole income and we may lose our insurance but God is still faithful and seems to be providing ways throught the tough times. We have learned that earthly treasures (money, income, etc) can dissappear in no time and at any time so that has actually been good for us. God does not want us to cling to earthly things so tight anyway. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue. I will update on here again if anything changes. Thanks again and God bless.

Our First Video for Lydia with our Flip Mino HD...